Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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