I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
