One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
