Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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