Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
