So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
