You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
