I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
