I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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