He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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