So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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