last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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