You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
