he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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