quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
