We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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