girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
