hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
