Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
