i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
