I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
