I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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