ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
