her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
