I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
