if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
