sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
