did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
