Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
