we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
