After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
