drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
