You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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