I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
