I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
