Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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