You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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