yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
