You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
