problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
