I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Two words: blizzard sex
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
