She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
