I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
