My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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