Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
