Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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