Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm at about main and main street
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
