I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
All I want is dick and wine.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
