He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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