I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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