It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
