i think my mom watched the whole time
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
