I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
