I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
