splinters make it hard to masturbate
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize