i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I need a burrito and a hug.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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