You can't motorboat a personality
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize