I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
