summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
