make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
