Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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