I'm eating all of the evidence.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
