Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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