my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
