In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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