Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
