i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
