I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
