just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
