woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
